At church our worship leader always leads us in a time of confession and I was convicted that I often try to do things on my own. I have never been a big resolution setter for the New Year. Probably just because by January 2nd I get busy and forget about what was so important to me on December 31st. However, this year I would like to be aware of how dependent I am on the Lord for everything and not strive in my own meek efforts. That will mean that I spend time with Him, listen to His Spirit, and seek His will over my comfort. I desire to step out of my comfort zone and follow His lead.
I was reminded of when my kids were little and I would try to dress them. At about 3 years old they went through the common “I do it myself” phase. Which to them was an effort to exert some independence but as a mom meant that I had to wait while they put their shoes on (the wrong feet), stood in the rain or cold while they attempted to buckle their car seat, and let all my pride go as I took my son to Bible study in a random assortment of clothes that he chose. I thought back to that 3 year old standing there looking ridiculous in mismatched clothes, some on backwards, and not weather appropriate. I think that I look like that to God at times. He has a way that is good and best for me but, I “do it myself” and in the end stand there like that 3 year old. I may be dressed but it could have been so much better had I listened to and depended on the Lord. Maybe I parented, worked, and was a wife that day… but had I done those things in His Strength and not my own how much better could I have done?
I want a heart that acknowledges that I am not self-sufficient. I am dependent on the Lord. When the kids were little Stephen told them one night that we were not going to ask the Lord for anything, just thank Him for what we have. I was on board and see lots of value in taking time to thank and praise God. That night Drew started crying and asking “what if I need something?”. I thought it was comical at the time because he missed the point but after he went to bed I realized that Drew had a great mindset. He was scared of going through a day of not being able to ask God for what he needed. I was not. The little boy knew who to go to and that He was all we need. I want a heart that is so dependent on Him that I can’t imagine not seeking His guidance, fruits, or heart for a day.
My resolution is to walk in His Strength and depend on the Lord for all. I hope that at the end of 2018 I can stand appropriately dressed and not like that willful 3-year-old in red shorts, an orange tank top, boots on the wrong feet, and a snow cap.