Growth Chart

My twins were born tiny.  I made feeding them my job.  Charis was difficult to feed and we worked for every ounce that she put on.  At one point she quit taking liquids and I went to every doctor I could think of.  They all agreed that she was healthy.  The pediatrician described her at birth as "tiny but mighty" and declared her healthy at every well check.  I still obsessed over feeding her and spent the evenings coming up with new food ideas and the days frustrated that she still wasn't eating much at all.  I would feel at peace for a few days and then hear from another mom what their child eats or weighs.  Then I would feel scared again. She was never on a growth chart.

One day my wonderful pediatrician did something that changed my perspective completely.  I was once again asking if she was okay and if it is a problem that she is so small.  The doctor looked at me and said "Look, she has never been on my growth charts.  She is little.  However, she has her own growth chart".  She turned her laptop around and showed me from the day Charis was born until that day the growth that she had accomplished.  It didn't look like the other 99.9 of babies.  The line was not as steep as others but, it was her growth and it was okay.

It is like that in education, as well.  Each child develops and grows at a different rate.  That is not only okay, it can be celebrated.  We can celebrate the growth in each child.  It will not look the same and that is not failure.  As moms we can be scared when we see a "grade" or compare work to another child in their class.  Just remember... your child has their own growth chart.

Some children may be different than Charis and be off the charts.  In educational terms these children may already know much of what I had planned to teach them that year.  That is okay, too.  I can still reach them where they are and and go further.  I can also teach them how to be a good friend, how to try new things and be willing to struggle, who Jesus is and how much He loves them, and that learning is fun.

As a mom and teacher I look forward to seeing the growth in each child.  When we focus on their own growth chart we can see and celebrate the person that God created them to be.

Your Load

The other day I was getting laundry out of the dryer.  I dropped a sock and bent down to get it and then dropped three more items.  When I reached for those I dropped two more.  I yelled out "Stephen, this is a metaphor for my life"!

The next day as I sat at a red light I saw a little bird gathering sticks.  That little bird had the same problem I did.  She would reach for a stick and then one would fall out of her beak and then she would start over.  I wanted to call out, "Little bird. You are only meant to carry three sticks!"

I am excited to go back to teaching full time and see that God is using laundry and birds to teach me to lighten my load.  Like all women, I want to do all the things and do them all well.  Well, it's inevitable that I will drop things along the way.  Thankfully, my husband is great at picking them up but I see that it is so important that we don't take on more than God intended for us.  He desires us to work hard and rest.  We need to create margin in our lives for needed rest. Margin is also where relationships have room to grow and flourish.  Lighten your load and pray through the things that are truly yours to carry.

Do you know what I love the most about you?

Drew has always been a talker and inquisitive.  He likes to know about a lot of different things and can keep a conversation going.  When he was three he climbed up in my Poppi's lap.  Poppi is Drew's great-grandfather.  He sat in Poppi's lap facing him, asking questions, and talking for quite awhile.  Suddenly, he grabbed Poppi's face in his little hands and said, "Poppi, do you know what I love the most about you?".  Poppi told him that he didn't know and Drew answered, "Because you answer all my questions".  I have always loved that moment.

Sunday morning in worship at church I could not get that picture out of my head.  As I have been praying for the Lord's direction in some areas lately, I was thinking about this moment.  I imagined my hands grabbing the Lord's face and telling him what I love about Him.  I love that He answers all my questions, too.  He gave us His Word and speaks through it to us.  His Spirit leads us.  I love that He is always faithful.  I love that He will never leave us.  I love so many things about who He is.  What do you love about Him?

Ron update and an open apology to my dog

I will start with the story and then move on to an apology.  Drew wanted me to move his fish tank.  So I huffed and heaved that tank across the room and then heard Drew yell, "Is that Ron, Is that Ron, Is that Ron?!".  If you haven't heard we had a rope fish named Ron.  He jumped out of the tank and was eaten.  Or so we thought.  I looked on the ground and saw a mummified Ron.  He was perfectly perserved.  I guess he had jumped out and was hidden.  We had checked all behind the aquarium and drawers but he was hiding somewhere because he suddenly appeared on the floor.

I hate snakes.  Ron looked like a snake.  So I cried.  I begged my children to dispose of Ron.  Drew suddenly thought he would be helpful and go to the garage for the screwdriver that I had asked him for 10 minutes ago.  That left Charis and I alone with Ron's corpse.  Charis said, "I'm not scared of the grossness but I'm scared he is alive".  He looked like the same 'ol Ron and so I got her fear but after months he was certainly dead.  I begged and so my little girl went and like a valiant warrior scooped up Ron and threw him away.  She's my favorite.  JUST KIDDING.

Now for the apology... I want to formally and publicly apologize to my dog, Ellie.  I was wrong to assume because you had wet ears that you ate Ron.  I see now that all my evidence was circumstantial.  I judged you falsely based on the moisture level of your ears and that was wrong.  I even wrote a blog about it and I am sorry.  Please let it be known that Ellie was not complicit in the disappearance of Ron.

I feel like we have closure in Ron's death and I'm glad he wasn't eaten.  He suffocated.  Once again... respect the boundaries God has set for our protection.

Our African Names

When Stephen and I were trying to get pregnant or adopt we were blessed with many prayer warriors coming alongside us.  Some of these people we knew well and some we only heard about.  One woman, an amazing woman of prayer from my grandparents' church, fervently prayed for us to have a child and then she said "God, why not two?".

Her name is Maria.  Maria is from Africa and can pray prayer that shakes the building.  When she has finished praying you know you have been prayed for.  At a baby shower she gave us a children's book with two names written in it.  She told me that was the twins African names.  I was appreciative and thought it was how you say their names in her native language.  

God saved a special moment of understanding for me this month. Maria told me the whole story a few weeks ago.  The kids and I saw Maria while visiting my Mimi in the hospital. She was telling the kids about their African names and told us that the morning I found out I was pregnant she was driving and praying for us.  At that time she pulled over and wrote down two names that the Lord gave her.  She wrote down Joyful and Grace in her language.  I love how God works!  Maria did not know that we were pregnant, that it was twins, or that my prayer had been in God's charis to give us Charis.  Charis means grace, a gift of grace.  The names He gave her fit our children perfectly.

From birth Drew has been a child the exudes JOY and Charis is the gift of grace that we prayed for.  

Over eight years later I am still getting glimpses of how God was at work through the prayers of His people.  That was a hard and sometimes dark time for us but I can always see His hand working.  I am so thankful that shortly after He knit my babies together He chose names that fit them so well.  He is a Creator and His love is forever.

A Costly Gift

Every Gift Has a Cost

The other night as I watched my kids sleep it struck me… The thing that I have most poured myself into in life is teaching them about the Lord, with the prayer that they will accept Him as their Lord and Savior.  I have worked hard at jobs, desires, and goals before but never have I so completely poured my life into something.  The salvation of my kids has been a prayer since before I met them, directed EVERY decision I make for them, and occupied so many of our conversations.  As I thought about this I reflected on these verses:

For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. Eph 2:8

The wages of sin is death but, the gift of God is eternal life. Romans 6:23

These verses are referring to how I received my salvation.  It was no work of my own.  However, it struck me what Jesus gave for me to have salvation.  He gave His own life, he took my sin, and He was separated from His Father.  My salvation was only free to me.  Not to Jesus and not to the people that sowed His name into my life.  Let’s thank the people that spent time in prayer for us and taught us who He is so that we could experience and know Him.  Let’s live a life of gratitude to Jesus for His costly gift. 

Raising children is hard.  Being a parent, in general, is difficult.  But being a parent that seeks to raise their children to go against the grain of culture and societal norms, to seek the face of the Lord, and follow His voice over the roar of culture is down right TOUGH!  It takes His Spirit renewing us each day and prayer that feels repetitive.  However, now as I look at them sleeping and wonder if what I am teaching is sinking in I can stand encouraged.  I am sowing into them.  A farmer’s life is full of hard work and prayer.  He can tell you that never once did he win an award for how well he sowed seed.  However, his work provided food for many.  As we sow into the hearts of our little ones we are helping to produce a food that will one day feed someone.  The work can be hard but don’t lose heart. Keep plowing parents!

Ron

My kids made Christmas lists.  Charis' list included an American Girl doll, markers, binder clips, and a book.  Drew's list resembled the list of a Saudi Prince.  I quote... "things that are rare, diamonds, $500 cash, and an eel named Ron".  Did you catch that last one?  An eel.  Named Ron.  And remarkably that was the most doable gift on his list.  So we bought the sheik an aquarium for Christmas.  My husband researched eels and found out that they bury themselves and you never see them but that there is a fish called a Rope Fish that looks like an eel and is "social".  So we ordered a Rope Fish.  The employee at the aquarium store informed us that this Rope Fish was being caught in a river in Africa and that people risked their lives in hippo-infested waters to get us (dumb) Americans these fish.  We were like "Great, we will take one!".

A few weeks later Ron came home to us.  Drew loved Ron and we all enjoyed watching him.  Ron had tricks.  He would hide IN the filter and shoot out at me when I looked for him.  I told the boys that I was nervous he would get out from the hole by the filter.  Stephen assured me Ron would never do that.  I worried though because I could sense that Ron had a gypsy heart.

Last night Stephen and Drew were feeding the fish and noticed Ron was gone.  We looked in his usual spots... the filter, the rocks, and in the gravel. Ron was gone.  Then we noticed a wet puddle on the table by the aquarium.  Right then Ellie, our  dog, came up and her ears were wet.  After we CSIed the crime scene we deduced that Ron had in fact freed himself of the aquarium and Ellie had found him in distress.  Then she ate him.  Ellie ate Ron!

We are still mourning the loss of our Ron.  He was a good Rope Fish.  He just didn't respect the boundaries that were there for his protection.  And he got eaten.  I think we can all learn from Ron's legacy.

I Do It Myself

At church our worship leader always leads us in a time of confession and I was convicted that I often try to do things on my own.  I have never been a big resolution setter for the New Year.  Probably just because by January 2^nd I get busy and forget about what was so important to me on December 31^st.  However, this year I would like to be aware of how dependent I am on the Lord for everything and not strive in my own meek efforts. That will mean that I spend time with Him, listen to His Spirit, and seek His will over my comfort.  I desire to step out of my comfort zone and follow His lead.  

I was reminded of when my kids were little and I would try to dress them.  At about 3 years old they went through the common “I do it myself” phase.  Which to them was an effort to exert some independence but as a mom meant that I had to wait while they put their shoes on (the wrong feet), stood in the rain or cold while they attempted to buckle their car seat, and let all my pride go as I took my son to Bible study in a random assortment of clothes that he chose.  I thought back to that 3 year old standing there looking ridiculous in mismatched clothes, some on backwards, and not weather appropriate.  I think that I look like that to God at times.  He has a way that is good and best for me but, I “do it myself” and in the end stand there like that 3 year old.  I may be dressed but it could have been so much better had I listened to and depended on the Lord.   Maybe I parented, worked, and was a wife that day… but had I done those things in His Strength and not my own how much better could I have done?

I want a heart that acknowledges that I am not self-sufficient.  I am dependent on the Lord.  When the kids were little Stephen told them one night that we were not going to ask the Lord for anything, just thank Him for what we have.  I was on board and see lots of value in taking time to thank and praise God.  That night Drew started crying and asking “what if I need something?”.  I thought it was comical at the time because he missed the point but after he went to bed I realized that Drew had a great mindset.  He was scared of going through a day of not being able to ask God for what he needed.  I was not.  The little boy knew who to go to and that He was all we need.  I want a heart that is so dependent on Him that I can’t imagine not seeking His guidance, fruits, or heart for a day. 

My resolution is to walk in His Strength and depend on the Lord for all.  I hope that at the end of 2018 I can stand appropriately dressed and not like that willful 3-year-old in red shorts, an orange tank top, boots on the wrong feet, and a snow cap. 

Bountifulness and Waiting

I was reading in the Psalms this morning and was reminded of a sweet verse that the Lord used for me.  Years ago Stephen and I were struggling with infertility, waiting on the Lord, fear, and honestly processing all of it imperfectly and not always in unity.  We walked that road for years and then when I found out we were expecting twins the Lord gave me the verse "Return to rest, O my soul, for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you" in Psalms 116:7.  I had it painted on the their nursery wall as a great reminder of what the Lord has done. 

If you have waited or are waiting on the Lord you know that is not what it sounds like.  Waiting sounds passive.  Waiting on the Lord is active.  Waiting on the Lord is fraught with prayer, deep anguishing prayers.  Waiting on the Lord is expectant.  It is sitting up and keeping watch and listening for the Lord's direction.  It is daily giving it over to the Lord.  Somehow, I spent every morning giving my desire for children to the Lord but woke up with the desire again the next morning. 

The Lord's bountiful blessings were not solely wrapped up in the twins.  His blessings came as He sustained us through the journey.  He taught me to praise Him in the waiting room.  He gave me the desire to be a saint that perseveres.  He showed me where my hope and home are.  He showed up when my spirit was weak and my stomach was full of tears.  He showed me Himself and allowed His people to minister to me.  In the end His answer to our prayers took our breath away.  But many times in the journey His love, faithfulness, and provision did the same. 

His blessings are bountiful and our souls can find rest in Him.  No matter what you are waiting for today let your soul find peace in Him and His bountifulness. 

Walmart Surprise

Have you ever had a blessing and learned a life lesson at Walmart?  Not a life lesson like don't wear nude leggings with a t-shirt but something a little more profound?  There was a day when my twins were about 14 months old that I did.

When my kids were little grocery shopping was hard.  They were too little to walk with me and when I put both in the cart there was no room for groceries.  So my solution was to put the kids in our double stroller and fill the bottom portion with as much groceries as I could.  This particular day I was trying to quickly get through the store and filled the bottom of the stroller.  Suddenly, one of the twins started to cry.  Then it got worse.  The other started to cry as well.  Then it got worse.  They both started to scream.  Red-faced, loud, angry cries were coming from both of my cherubs.  I started to panic.  As a first-time mom I worried a lot about what other people were thinking.  I wanted to run from the store.  However, if I ran out with my stroller full of food it would be stealing.  If I left them and ran out, that is child abandonment.  My only option was to check out as fast as possible.

I ran up to the shortest check out line. As I came up I started to sweat and just knew that the poor cashier was thinking "Why me? Why my line out of these 25 lanes, I know only 3 are open, but why mine".  I waited trying to placate the kids with puffs, happy noises, and promises of ponies.  Nothing was working.  It was finally my turn.  I came up with a sheepish look and started apologizing and simultaneously throwing food on the belt in an effort to get out of there.  As I looked at the cashier she stopped and made eye contact with me and smiled.  I started breathing again.  She smiled bigger and told me "They are such blessings.  You are a special mama.  They are beautiful."  I turned to see what children she was referring to.  Mine.  This amazing lady looked at my red-faced, screaming children at their worse and called them blessings.  She is right.  They are.  It took us 5 years to have them and they are a blessing.  The part that took my breath away was that she looked at my children at a point when they were not lovely at all and saw their value.  Their value is not because of their great behavior, good grades, or manners.  They are valued simply because they are made in the image of God.  They have value because He created and died for them.

The cashier not only extended desperately needed grace to me and my children that day but she taught me something.  She changed the way I view people.  As a teacher, I could look at that little guy that pushed all my buttons and had been to the office on repeat and see a child of value and love him.  As a parent, when it gets hard and I feel like I am dealing with the same character issue for the 1000th time I can look at them as a blessing.  God looks at us in our worse state and sees value in us. Romans 5:8 "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us". The moral of the story is that the Walmart pick up isn't the only blessing there... sometimes it's through a cashier named Triumph.

Who Are You?

Many years ago Stephen and I went through years of infertility.  If you have been through that journey or are in it now I am sorry.  I know the loneliness, fear, and pain that shows up every day.  I know it feels forever.  We went through several doors and then backed up and closed them before the Lord led us to the path that gave us our kids.  After a particularly hard treatment I was waiting to find out if we were pregnant.  I was praying one afternoon... when I say praying I mean pleading with the Lord to give us a baby.  I was reading that the Lord does not give us a spirit of fear.  I was fearing.  So I opened the Greek dictionary to look up fear.  As I searched the page my eyes immediately came to the word grace instead.  I sat reading the definition of grace and thinking about His character.  I saw that the Greek word for grace was Charis.
Short Definition: grace, favor, kindness
Definition: (a) grace, as a gift or blessing brought to man by Jesus Christ, (b) favor, (c) gratitude, thanks, (d) a favor, kindness.
I got up and sent an email to my mom and Stephen's mom asking them to change their prayer.  We prayed that in God's charis he would give us Charis.  

A week later I found out that the Lord had blessed us with a pregnancy.  We rejoiced in His charis.  Fast forward to an 18-week sonogram and I asked the PA to take a guess on the gender of our twins.  She quickly found Drew and told me it was a boy.  Then she moved to the next baby and told me it was another boy.  I timidly responded that I think that is the same baby and she assured me it wasn't.  I knew it was.  I would have been ecstatic to have two boys but I knew that was the same baby.  A few weeks later we saw the doctor and she confirmed a boy... and a girl.  We knew her name would be Charis.  

I often tell Charis the origin of her name in Greek and that she is our "gift from the Giver".  She loves that part of who she is.  One day when she was little she sat in a box and yelled "Look, I am a gift from the Giver"!  The other day I was putting something on her desk and saw her name tag.  She had written her name and then "gift from the giver".  I pray she remembers who she is as she gets older.  When the world, classmates, boys, or circumstances tell her something else I pray she is rooted in Jesus and remember that she is always our Gift from the Giver.  

Last Spring Break my family went on a trip to Ruidoso, NM.  It was beautiful and we went for a hike one day in an isolated area.  As we walked we noticed that we were by the stream and had heard that bears were waking up so Stephen would call out every few feet so that we wouldn’t scare a bear.  Even though we were all alone in the woods I felt awkward with him yelling out.  You know that embarrassed feeling you get for other people sometimes?  As we came around a cluster of trees Stephen yelled out and we were answered by a low growl.  We stopped and he yelled and the growl came again.  At this time we looked at each other with hearts pounding and I thought maybe the yells were worth my awkward feeling, put the kids between us, and turned around to hurry out of there.  This bear was nice enough to give us a warning.  However, this experience reminded me about our Mama hearts and the fierce love we have for our children.  We have all heard about the Mama Bear tendency to fiercely protect our children.  When someone messes with our kid we have a primal response to react. 

This Mama Bear response, while innate in us all, needs to be tempered.  That is the hard part. The part goes against nature.  We get this term Mama Bear because we mimic the response of a real bear protecting her cubs.  Mama bears often attack out of a perceived threat.  She sees a human and out of fear that he will hurt her cub attacks him.  Maybe the humans were ignorant city folks like us out for a stroll, but the Mama Bear attacks without knowledge.  We as Moms often have that same reaction out of fear.  We perceive a threat… whether it be another child, a teacher, a parent, culture and react aggressively without all the information and taking the time to pray through our response.   Maybe there is a better way.  Let us consider the actions of the Mama Bird.

The Mama bird loves, comforts, and cares for her young.  However, she also teaches them to fly on their own.  I have to teach my children how to tell others how they want to be treated, how to solve conflict, how to speak up, how to love and forgive others, and how to pray and not react.  Both care deeply, love, and protect their children. The difference comes in how that is played out.  The Mama Bird gently even nudges her babies out of the nest when she knows they are ready.  We must encourage our children to step out and try new ideas and experiences.  This will build their character, independence, and responsibility. The nudge can be hard for us moms at times.  We may have to give the nudge with a brave face and then go text our friends for support and prayer.  I have many seen schools offer a “Tears and Cheers Coffee” for kindergarten parents after they drop their child off for their first day of kindergarten.  We put on a brave face and tell our children how wonderful school will be and then retreat to the school cafeteria for camaraderie, support, or a big high 5 depending on your emotions.  As they learn to step out in these small ways with our encouragement then, they will be confident and be able to step out in Faith one day as the Lord leads.  Our job is to prepare them for what the Lord calls them to.  We love, pray, release, and watch.  

When we mimic the bear we damage relationships, hurt people, and teach our children that they are not safe with out us.  There will be times for us to step in and protect our children but we must do so in a spirit of peace and reconciliation.  Often times the threat that we perceived was actually an opportunity to teach, model grace, show forgiveness, or train our children how to deal with conflict.  Ecclesiastes 7:9 says “Do not be provoked in your spirit, anger resides in the lap of fools”.  We should stop and ask ourselves first what the Lord would have us to do, what can our child learn from this, can we overlook the offense, or what our response should be.  Proverbs 18:2 says, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion”.  Let’s stop and consider the intentions or position from someone that we are tempted to “go Mama Bear” on.  The Word tells us that by tempering this desire to attack and praying through our response we will avoid being a “fool”.  Parenting is hard and we will make mistakes in handling issues that arise but we can reach out to reconcile and try again.   Our relationships will stay intake, our children will learn life skills, and we will honor the Lord when we step out of attack mode.  Let us remember the bird and the bravery and strength she shows as she gently leads, encourages, and even nudges her babies.    

Disciples Among Us

I was reading this morning in John about when Jesus called a few of the disciples that had been listening to John the Baptist to follow Him.  One of these young men was named Andrew. I was drawn to him because my son is named Andrew.  It hit me that my Andrew and the disciple had a lot in common… they are both very social and a natural networkers. 

My son was called a “communicator” by his sweet teacher.  As a former teacher I can translate… that means he talks a lot.  It’s true.  We recently moved into a new neighborhood.  When we moved we thought there was only one boy on our street.  Somehow, without leaving the confines of our yard, my child has brought children from the far corners of the earth to our home.  Any given day we will have between 7-10 kids in our yard.  We love it because he brought us a whole mission field that we didn’t know existed. 

Jesus called Andrew to follow Him and he came and saw where Jesus was staying, listened to His preaching, and then immediately went and got his friends to bring them to Jesus.  In John 1:40-42 says, “the first thing Andrew did was to find his brother Simon and tell him, “We have found the Messiah” (that is, the Christ).  And he brought him to Jesus.”

My Andrew has yelled out to the yard full of kids sitting eating popsicles  “Who here believes in Jesus?” (we are working on his delivery).   God has created him this way.  He networks and shares his passions with others… whether it be about the Aggies, hunting, or Jesus. 

As I was laughing that morning that Drew is like his namesake.  I realized that often times the thing that we work on to reign in with our children is the very thing God uses for His kingdom.  Andrew’s mom may have been exasperated by the boys he brought over all the time or been frustrated as she tried to get through the marketplace with him as he stopped to talk to everyone. 

God used this trait in Andrew to draw Peter (whom he chose as the Rock to build His church on) and others to Himself.  Andrew was also the disciple that found the boy with the fish and loaves that God multiplied to feed the crowd.  He was passionate about people and Jesus.    

As I looked at the disciples that Jesus chose to spread His Gospel and be martyred for Him I realized that they are like the children we all know.  The disciples were most likely between 18-20 years old. They were not young boys but were still not grown men.  They were normal humans like us.  Andrew would have been the boy at school that is constantly in trouble for talking.  He is the one that goes to school for recess. 

Peter is the impulsive one.  He is the kid you discuss self-control with everyday.  The one that has big reactions and then feels bad. 

Thomas is the kid that always wants to know “why”.  He will question you and keep you on your toes to explain what you are telling him. 

James and John… they had the helicopter mom asking for her boys to sit at Jesus’ right hand.  These boys had a competitive spirit.  John at first bragged about getting to Jesus’ empty tomb first but then allowed Peter to enter first. 

Philip was ever practical.  He may be like the kid that has a hard time letting loose or thinking outside the box.  Philip was in charge of supplies.  He was responsible and predictable. 

The Lord uses these normal young men to do great things.  He even used the character traits that as mom or teachers can drive us crazy.  My husband and I have told our son to eat and that it was time to stop talking at dinner repeatedly.  We have had to train him that he can’t ask if the stranger at the store can come over for dinner.  The traits in our children that want to make us face palm can be used for His glory.  As parents we have to train and disciple them in how to use these traits in a productive way.  How they can be who God created them to be but honor Him with their personality.  We still have to put in the time training them how to use their gifts and personalities to His glory.  But, we can laugh to ourselves and pray that God will use this child to do big things for the kingdom in the unique way they were created. 

My point is… Parents/ Teachers when you want to put your head in your hands and you feel frustration that your kid is not getting it… just remember that the disciples all had flaws, were human, and God used them in mighty ways.  He may choose to use the thing that drives us the most crazy to bring others to Himself.